— In a shocking turn of events the US military has announced a change of its offensive strategy in the War on Terror. Basing current tactical decisions on long standing military rules of engagement has lead to a never ending power struggle to maintain control over several turbulent middle-eastern regions. As such, the US military has turned its attention to a more literal interpretation and implementation of the term “counter-terrorism”.
Following a press conference on Wednesday, General George Bartholomew Jasper of the US Armed Forces’ newly formed Suilline Tactical Division announced a bold move to incorporate suidae products as a form of biological weapon against specific targets in various militant Muslim regimes. Although this came as a surprise to the press, the Suilline Tactical Division has been in the works for over two years, according to the General. With new tactics using non-lethal biological weapons and sprays, the division is promising a swift quash of the formerly inaccessible mountain regions without the use of ground forces. The new tactics save the government billions according to the projected savings, but results have yet to be accounted.
The press release contained hundreds of pages of technical information regarding the weapons being used by the new military division. With code names like “Jodie”, “Karnac”, “TLP”, and “Old Major” the suidae weapons range from non-lethal aerosols and liquids, to more dire shrapnel grenades and smart bombs. One development the General spent a lot of time talking up was the new rocket propelled bullet, code named “Wilbur”. Capable of changing course mid-flight this micro rocket can be fired from a hand gun with a modified under-barrel allowing soldiers to switch tactics easily and efficiently on the battlefield. The payload of “Wilbur” explodes a microsecond after impact distributing varied-source, compressed, suidae bio-matter within the subject causing not only mental and physical damage, but a religion based perceived spiritual damage as well. The General concluded his talk by saying, “That is some bullet!”
There is no current data on the reception of this news in the countries where Suilline Tactical Division raids have already occurred. Currently, the press is awaiting further practical examples on implementation, which they expect to have word of within the month.
This is a very controversial topic and I’ll try to keep you up to date on it as much as possible.