Popcorn, the Bane of Humanity

On July 16, 1907 the world was forever changed. In a small town in Indiana, USA the future suppressor of the minds of mankind was born: Orville Clarence Redenbacher.

Orville was obsesses with genetics from an early age. His study of plants of specific varieties led him to believe that through certain external stimuli genetic change could take place that could alter behavior among certain species. His attempts and successes at hybridization of certain plant species triggered a series of events, the details of which are unclear, that changed Orville’s primary practical applications from plants to humans. In his late teens and early twenties Orville saw the world around him torn apart by man’s hatred for others and Orville came to believe that the outcome of the human race would be forever stunted if the differences between men could not be set aside. He believed that peace could never be attained if mankind continued to think independently from one another. So, Orville challenged the current status quo and began a life long pursuit to implement his own.

In 1951 Orville created a hybrid plant that had the inherent ability to influence the minds of humans. The plant commonly referred to as popping corn was an innocuous food that when marketed properly in 1970 became an American sensation sweeping the nation in waves of fluffy goodness, or so Orville wanted us all to believe. The hybrid popping corn that Orville became so famous for masked a more insidious purpose. The corn if eaten regularly had an effect on the human mind similar to lysergic acid diethylamide, but the plan was not to induce psychotropic episodes, instead the inherent properties caused a long-delayed slow release of the drug’s effect and was suppressed for release only during the rapid eye movement period of sleep. This complicated structure led to an entire generation of people having beautiful nightmares nearly every night, but not remembering them upon awakening. The purpose of this particular effect was to alter human behavior through induced trauma, a pseudo-scientific belief Orville held in reference to the mind’s use of dreams as self therapy.

By 1972 the first wave of Orville’s popping corn had reached into every home in America, and Orville implemented the second wave of human altering into the market. With the additions of novelty flavoring the inclusion of a wide variety of diluted medications were introduced into the consuming masses. The chili flavored popcorn, for instance, was laced with nicotine and became very difficult to stop eating, its secondary additive being unknown in name but having the effect of suppressing the reaction to perceptive stimulus while simultaneously inducing the impression of being hyper aware. This particularly potent combination was influential in the acceptance of subliminal stimuli scattered throughout the advertising medias of the day. Even certain color combinations, particularly the red-yellow-black-white color combinations that Orville implemented himself, could have mind altering effects on the viewing public. While the implementation of laced flavoring was insidious enough, the plan was not fully realized until several years later.

In the 1980s a partnership between Orville and a very large and well known amusement park in Florida began the final preparatory implementations of mind-altering and emotion suppressing in America. The amusement park designed a method of vapor popcorn scent delivery that induced the consumer’s perceived need for popcorn and focused that need into consumption of Orville’s popular brand while simultaneously bombarding the consumers with subliminal messages on all sides which induced an false sense of happiness, security, and contentment with life. While the project was an immediate success for Orville’s implemented view of a perfect future, the long term consequences were beyond the scope of his initial plan.

Over the next several years an adverse reaction to the genetically altered popping corn developed. While the original consumers of the corn slowly progressed further into their complacency, the genetic markers in their DNA that were being altered throughout the consumption process were passed to the next generation in partial form. This partial transference of the complacency effect left the new generation with a lack of motivation and an attitude of self-serving expectancy in which they were consistently unsatisfied with life as it was, but expected external stimulus to change current circumstances to their favor.

Before his death in 1995 Orville became convinced that he could fix his original mistakes in the formula, but the general public was not as attached to the brand anymore as the popularity of popcorn has given rise to many other, less expensive brands. So, Orville opted to imbibe a concentrated dose of his new serum and finally caused his own heart attack trapping the serum within himself. At his funeral he was cremated and, like the food he was so famous for, he reached an optimum temperature before popping sending the airborne gas derivative of his serum into the atmosphere for a final endeavor to create a lasting complacency and induced peace in mankind. Unfortunately, the heated serum changed at the molecular level and has instead become a counter agent to the genetic traits induced by the original formula.

How does this affect you and I? If you have feelings of uncertainty, a desire to be more, or accomplish more than you currently are; if you feel like you have things you’d like to say, share, or do but can’t quite put a finger on how to go about accomplishing them, then you are feeling the effects of the Orville Clarence Redenbacher Popcorn Project. Do not fear. You are not alone.


About Jon Decker

Jon is on a Grand Adventure... life.
This entry was posted in Stories and tagged , . Bookmark the permalink.

3 Responses to Popcorn, the Bane of Humanity

  1. Jean says:

    And here I was, about to blame it all on superhero cartoons. Silly Jean.

    p.s. Popcorn is kind of gross, and now, in light of this new information, I don’t feel nearly as counterculture for skipping it in theaters. Always thought Reeces Pieces were better movie food anyway.

  2. J says:

    “If you put butter and salt on it, it tastes like salty butter.”
    – Terry Pratchett, Moving Pictures (regarding popcorn)

  3. Ali says:

    This explains some lingering questions that remain from the rinks, I believe.

    You are back with a vengence, Decker!

Leave a comment...