Hey all you men out there who eat your cows raw and drink your coffee black, listen up. Here is a formula for some darn good soup called “Man’s Soup”. This set of assembly instructions makes five man-sized servings, or sixteen secretary sized servings (don’t you dare say that with a lisp). If you’re eating secretary sized servings for anything other than health reasons, then you should probably just stick to your usual Starbucks iced mocha and veggie wrap. Leave the hearty eating to real men.

First you need a soup pot. Medium sized should do for this, but large would be better if you have it.

1. Idaho Potatoes (2 big ones) – cubed, with skins on. Rinse ‘em off first to wash off the dirt, but don’t you dare peel ‘em. Them potatoes have more vitamins in the skin than a whole orange. Getting scurvy ain’t manly; it’s just dumb.

2. Yellow Corn (1 cup/can) – I use canned corn ’cause there ain’t no shuckin’ or scrapin’ involved, and it’s easier just to dump a can in the pot. Drain the water from the can if you want, but it’s not necessary.

3. Green Beans (1 cup/can) – same rules as the corn, though draining bean water is a plus here.

4. Garlic (4 cloves) – dice it if you must, but don’t press it. I just cut the hard stem part off and toss in the clove. Garlic powder can be used, but only as a last resort. Garlic keeps forever.

5. Onion (1 the size of your fist) – chop it, dice it, slice it…. whatever you like, this will cook down really soft anyhow. You can add them halfway through if you want them crunchier; but why be picky, boil the flavor into the potatoes.

6. Black pepper corns (1 teaspoon – “the small one”) – grind it if you must, but a real man likes his pepper corns whole.

7. Salt (1/2 teaspoon) – if you want more when the soup’s done, then add it at the table. For now go easy on the salt, there’s plenty in the ingredients by default.

8. A1 Steak Sauce (2 Tablespoons) – substitute your favorite steak sauce if you don’t have A1, but shame on you!

9. Tabasco Chipotle (1 teaspoon) – If you’ve never had Chipotle Tabasco, then go drink some now. Great stuff, that.

10. Tomato Paste (2 small cans) – tomato paste is thick, you’ll need to scoop it out with a spoon directly into the pot. If anyone freaks at you about not mixing it with water first, kick ‘em out.

10b. Chicken bullion cubes (2) – drop em in…

11. Pour in water until everything is covered about 2 inches.

12. Pour in some olive oil until a quarter sized bubble develops on top the water.

13. Mix everything together until the tomato paste is fully diluted in the water.

14. Add your favorite spices. I like hot pepper flakes, cayenne, paprika, oregano, thyme… whatever is in the cupboard that tastes good on potatoes will work.

15. There ain’t no rules or real order to how to assemble this soup other than to put the pieces in the pot and boil on low until the potatoes are cooked through, which you can tell by eating one. You’ll want to stir it every so often (10 minutes) to keep it from sticking to the pot. If the potato chunk is soft all the way through, then the soup’s done. If it looks too thick for your liking just add water and stir it in. That might even help cool it down a bit before shoveling it in. Burning your mouth on hot food isn’t manly, it’s dumb too.

If you want to add seared beef, grilled chicken, canned carrots, chopped peppers, chopped celery, shattered spaghetti noodles, etc… go for it. You’re a man. You don’t need instructions.