H1N1 has struck the Big Apple like a worm in its core, and the devastation is being felt far and wide. Not two weeks ago, when the news first struck that a group of dim-witted teenagers had been infected whilst on a vacation trip to Mexico, I wrote off the story as pure hysteria. I was particularly bent toward ignoring the problem after having my mother call from Michigan freaking out from the news reports she was hearing about the “oh-so-scary” swine flu running “ever so rampant” on the streets and in the subways of New York City. It really didn’t help that I had contracted a standard flu the day before the news broke and sounded like an 80yr old man with emphysema.
The next week I was stuck in my apartment waiting for my own flu symptoms to abate, but in the mean time something occurred in the city at large that went unnoticed by those in the everyday bustle of life. As I emerged from my room to greet a new week with a less severe headache and a waning cough, I was struck by the changes that had overcome the city so subtly as to be unnoticed in a week but very noticeable by those of us who were secluded throughout their development. The city, normally alive with crowds of newcomers, city dwellers, and tourists, had an entirely different atmosphere with the inclusion of a new inhabitant.
The new inhabitant of which I speak was on every street and in every mode of transportation. In every subway car, and every bus stop the unwelcome visitor lingered. Free from the categories that hold the structure of social interaction in the city together, this new inhabitant crossed all layers of the invisible caste system and pressed its presence into the crevices of humanity. The pandemic bird-pig terror has arrived.
The real swine flu is not what you’ve read or heard about on tv. It’s not as benign as a simple virus seeking to harm the healthy and kill the weak. This New York version of the swine flu is much more virulent. Before I fully describe the change here in the city, let me preface by saying I recommend this reading for ages 13 and up as it contains descriptions of a reality that the younger minds may not be able to handle.
That said, the virus has had a horrific effect on the local population. Being a combination bird-flu, human-flu, pig-flu with mutagenic properties, the H1N1 virus has had a devastating physical effect on those who have contracted it. Just yesterday I saw a man, at least it had been a man, mud soaked, squealing, and running naked down the street. I wrote it off as being a NYC oddity, but I knew it was much more dire than that.
The worse aspects of the pandemic became apparent last night when, at a time predetermined by H1N1’s biological cycle, a mob of mutant werepigs trashed city hall and ran rampant through the streets of New York eating everything in their path. Like a scourge of locust swine-men the werepigs charged through causing terror and devastation in their wake. Children ran screaming as their parents were torn limb from limb in a bloody orgy of gore that raged in street after street as the inhabitants of the city were slaughtered by the frenzied mob. The terror was not over with the killing field, however, as the plague swept through the mangled remains of the yet living victims and transformed the human population into a giant herd of werepigs causing havoc wherever they ran. The squealing and oinking in the streets of Manhattan last night struck fear into the hearts of even the hardest of men.
During the chaos my headache pounded like the drums of the deep ones. I was to get little sleep that night. At around 3:13am EST gun shots rang out down the street as those humans left with a will to survive began to fight back the horde. I watched from my fifth floor window as werepigs were shot one after the other, their brain matter coating the ground in a sickeningly slick coating of goo, not unlike the coating of goo sometimes found on the subway’s benches. The werepigs were not mindless zombie’s however and were quite capable of fighting back in kind only with much more ferocity than their human counterparts. The snapping jaws and slowly mutating bulbous bodies slammed into cars and trucks driving them directly into homes in suicide attacks on the humans’ remaining strongholds. The acrid smell of New York City grime and bacon drifted through the city, but breakfast was still far from the minds of men. I had to run my air filter on high to keep the smell from permeating my room. The fan noise drowned out the sounds from outside and I drifted into a fitful sleep.
I was little prepared for the next day as I was planning on heading to work early before the werepigs re-awakened to greet the new day. Around 7:30am I awakened to a strangely quiet city. As I prepared myself to go outside, I wondered what would meet my eyes in the aftermath of last night’s slaughter. I had heard the rain starting in the night and was vaguely aware of the storm that had past, but the amazingly clean streets outside were the last thing I had expected. Apparently, in the deep of the night, the H1N1 had gone its full course leaving fulled transformed swine wandering aimlessly through the streets of New York City. Thankfully the virus had somehow biologically been targeted at only those who would benefit from the increased IQ in the swine DNA. Those of our human population with a 120 or higher intelligence quotient were immune to the disease and therefore capable of taking up the slack post the werepig invasion.
Oh, and work went well…